Time Again
by Elusion
Summary: Kaede reflects on time and change, revealing things in her past and how they affect her present.


**Time Again**

_An Inuyasha One-Shot by Elusion_

- - -

She bent to pick an herb, feeling her old back creak. She added the plant to the many already in her baskets, mentally listing their medicinal qualities as she picked more. This one, for fever, this, when mixed with a few other ingredients, made a good salve for the treatment of burns. Her thoughts flashed back to her sister mixing that very salve for the thief in the cave, Onigumo, the man who would become Naraku, and she almost dropped the plant.

The villagers get burns too, she chided herself, putting the herb into her basket, letting the bad memory slide off her. The villagers depended on her, after all. They were her people, and she knew them all, from the oldest, an elderly widow who she remembered as the mother of a childhood friend, to the youngest, a babe she had helped birth just the other day.

Her job as the village miko was neither easy nor simple. She was their doctor, delivering children and making medicines, she was their spiritual guide, giving blessings and diverting curses, and she was their protector, the one who always defended them from the attacks of youkai.

But she was getting old, and the responsibility was becoming more and more a burden. She had once taken such pride in her importance, been pleased to find that she had a sort of power among these people. She was younger then, much more foolish, and much more ambitious. Now, as she neared her sixtieth year, she was not dissatisfied with her lot in life. Her only regret was that when she left this earth, she would leave the villagers without guidance. She had never found a successor, a miko to train to take her place once she was gone. There had been one, of course, but...

She instinctively looked towards the direction where Kagome had walked, hours before, on her way to the well where she would be transported to another world, a world of modern convenience, a world of hot baths and tests. A world she called home.

Kaede rose, her back creaking again. She groaned and stretched slightly, then gathered her baskets and walked towards the house which was her own home.

Kagome would have been an excellent successor if Kaede had had the training of her... but the fates had settled that a long time ago. There was a time she had resented it... but now she was glad. The child had a lightness and innocence that had been taken so quickly from Kaede and her sister, Kikyo, as they both trained for the duties they had known they must take upon themselves. If Kagome had been subjected to the same training, had become the same kind of miko as she was... Kaede's thoughts drifted to the past.

- - -

Kaede watched as the flames flickered over the funeral bier, a horrified sorrow settling in her gut as the realization sunk in. This was her Kikyo, dead and burning... her hero, her sister and almost mother, the only one she had... though her parents had died long ago, she had never been an orphan until this moment.

Amid the sorrow, hatred rose in her small heart, surprisingly strong for one so young. Hatred for a whole race of creatures, for youkai and all they stood for... how one of their detestable kind, Inuyasha, had snatched the miko's life so soon. He had tricked Kikyo, making her think that his human blood was enough to make him trustworthy, but now Kaede saw the truth - that any youkai blood was enough to taint the whole. She would never fall for such a trick. She would be strong - an even stronger miko than Kikyo.

A hand tugged hers gently - one of the village women. Kaede turned back, wanting to watch the flames until the heat seared into her, giving fire to her righteous anger, but the woman tugged her hand once more, pulling her close. Kaede struggled at first, but the woman hugged her tightly, blocking her view. The image of the pyre lingered beneath her eyelids until it too faded into the close darkness, and Kaede wept.

As the woman led her away, the pyre gently collapsed, sparks flying into the air as the flames gradually dimmed. Long after Kaede had cried herself to sleep, the last ember of the fire flickered faintly. A small breeze swept over the gray pile of ashes, but the flicker within didn't return. The fire was cold and dead.

And so began the Shikon no Tama's long wait.

- - -

The young man whispered quietly in the ear of the girl, his arm wrapped around her waist. She looked up at him and giggled, beaming into his eyes. They walked past Kaede without a glance, too wrapped up in one another to notice the miko.

The couple was young... newly wedded. Very much in love, and enjoying every moment of it. They had caused some titters and smiles about the community, but they were oblivious to it all.

Kaede watched their young love with some amount of scorn. She was not a romantic. She was no lover of men, herself - she followed all the old miko traditions, including celibacy. Seeing what men did to mikos - what happened with Kikyo - well, she had no need for it. Of course, she understood that some people desired romantic love, and didn't begrudge them this - had she not performed the marriage ceremony for the young couple themselves? However, she couldn't help viewing those people who desired romance and marriage so deeply as somewhat weaker than herself. Hadn't that, after all, been the weakness in Kikyo? Falling in love?

She sighed and turned from her thoughts, greeting a village woman she recognized.

"Hello Lady Kaede," the woman greeted back, bending at her knees a bit in respect, looking apologetically at the basket balanced on her head that prevented her performing a full bow.

"How is your son?" Kaede asked.

"Doing much better, thanks to you," the woman said with a broad grin. "Not a sign of infection, thankfully. He's feeling well enough to be restless, actually. He wants to get back to work."

Kaede nodded, pleased. The young man had injured his arm badly in an accident, and Kaede had worried about infection, knowing that if he lost his arm, he'd likely be unable to work as well in the fields, and with a widowed mother and sister to support, it would have been a very hard time for them all.

"I'll come around this afternoon and check on the wound again. If it's continued to heal as quickly as it has been, he may be out of your way again in a couple days."

The woman smiled. "Thank you, Lady Kaede," she said, bobbing in her half-bow again before they parted.

- - -

Kaede made her rounds that afternoon as promised. The boy's arm was almost completely healed, and Kaede declared him fit enough to do some work, provided he could do it one handed. Only one more week, she assured him, and he would have full use of his arm again. An elderly woman was improving after a terrible cold, thanks to Kaede's careful application of proper herbs, but a child in the village was suffering from a high fever. Kaede dosed the child with the last of her willow bark, then ventured into the woods for a replenishment of her stock.

As she passed near a place in the wood familiar to her, she paused. There was the spot the pyre for Kikyo had once burned. She had set up a small shrine there for her sister, and liked to stop there to honor the dead from time to time. It reminded her of her dedication to the village, and renewed her fervor against the youkai. She had time to make a brief offering of incense to Kikyo's memory.

She walked towards the place, settling her mind into a state of peaceful reverence, when a noise disrupted her thoughts. She cautiously approached the clearing, bow ready for animal or youkai, but the sight she stumbled upon made her gasp. Fury rising in her, she was speechless and frozen with surprise, and thus forced to watch the final moments of lovemaking of the newlywed couple from the village.

She lowered the bow, then raised it again. As an arrow landed in the dust near where they lay, the couple jolted up in surprise, red from passion and shame as they saw Kaede.

Burning with indignation, Kaede had to steel herself from aiming another arrow at each of their hearts. She barked in her anger, "You dare defile a place most sacred to me, most sacred to our village?"

Fumbling with their clothing, unable to meet her eyes, they did not answer.

Shaking now, she lowered her bow, and struggled to keep her voice calm.

"Get back to the village. We will speak of this later."

Looking miserable at the prospect, the young couple nodded, and quickly withdrew, muttering something that sounded like apologies as they went, leaving Kaede to stare after them, again restraining her hand from loosing arrows that could so easily pierce their bodies.

They were merely young and a little stupid with love - some part of her knew it - but she could not bring herself to forgive them their error. As she stared at the ground before the shrine, viewed the scuffed dirt and crushed grass, the marks where bodies were pressed and fingers clutched, the image of the couple rose unbidden to her mind again. Sick with disgust and anger, she turned from the place.

All the sense of power, of spiritual awe that this place had once brought to her had disappeared forever. It was ruined - dirtied by their carnal weakness. She whispered an apology to the spirit of her sister for leaving without making an offering, but she could not stand to be near the shrine anymore.

- - -

Time passed. The young couple did their best to avoid Kaede, and she in kind ignored their presence as much as she could. She never found the words or the punishment to inflict on the couple, so settled for pretending they didn't exist. They were quite humbled by their mistake, and when Kaede finally visited the shrine again, she found some measure of forgiveness in her heart for them to see it well cared for in her absence.

Still, she could not forget they had dishonored themselves and the village by their actions. So, when the girl's belly began to swell with child, an idea forged itself in Kaede's mind.

"Your child was conceived on holy ground," she said to them. "It may well be born with some spiritual power. If the child is born a girl, I will take her and train her to follow me as a miko."

The wife's eyes widened and a pained expression crossed her face, but she bowed with her husband and nodded her agreement. This was their punishment - their repayment for their mistake. A girl child was not such a loss, said the husband - it would be an honor to give their daughter to the village to become a miko. The wife said nothing. The look of loss in her eyes made Kaede feel, with a twinge of guilt, finally avenged for their crime against Kikyo's memory.

But, she was not being unreasonable, she reasoned. The woman may have a boy, in which case they would owe her nothing. Even the loss of their daughter would still bring great honor for them, as she would be a holy priestess, and it was time, she felt, to have a protégé of her own. It was a good arrangement. And they owed her.

So when the woman gave birth into Kaede's own hands, and she examined the child, she was elated to see that it was female. Even more to her delight was the power she felt lying dormant in this child. This was a girl designed to be a miko, she knew it. Perhaps even a miko more powerful than herself, perhaps even another like Kikyo.

Kaede blinded herself to the mother's grief when she told her the sex of her child, or how she cried terribly the first time she held her own daughter. Her only thoughts were for the future, and for the future of the child she would raise as her own. The mother may have her for a time, as a child needed the milk of the mother, but it wouldn't be such a long time before the girl could be weaned. She would take her then, even at such an age, so the girl would know no mother or father, like Kaede herself had lived, knowing only the guidance of the elder miko. Kaede fancied that she would have the child call her sister.

And so, she watched over the baby, envisioning the future of archery lessons and teaching herbal remedies, of training the child to fight youkai and to use her spiritual power. It was a good future, Kaede felt, a future she would enjoy.

The only problem was the mother - she was getting more protective of the girl, more resentful of Kaede's frequent visits. She was looking pale and desperate these days, gone a little wild with the looming loss of her child. The baby, however, was happy and healthy, chubby cheeked and cheerful. If she tasted the bitterness of her mother in the breast she sucked from, it didn't show in her smiles and infant gurgles.

"How long until you can wean her?" Kaede finally asked, after some months. She was growing impatient. "I want to take her as soon as she doesn't need your milk anymore."

"That soon?" the mother whispered. She looked at her child, and clutched her closer. "So soon as that?" she whispered again, voice husky.

Kaede left then, ignoring again the quiet whisper of doubt in the back of her mind, strangling again the seedling of guilt in her heart. The child belonged to her. There was nothing else that mattered.

- - -

"Shush, my child," the woman whispered, quieting the baby who crankily protested being lifted from her sleep. Tucking the infant into a sling, she cradled her until the child drifted off to dreams again. Shouldering a bag, she silently slipped out of her home and into the cool night air. With a deep breath for courage, she walked as quietly as she could, sneaking away from the village and toward the wood that surrounded it. She could make it to the next village, and then the one after that, and after that, and keep going as long as she could until she knew Kaede would not follow her any longer. She wouldn't give up her daughter - she couldn't. She would pay any price but that.

The forest was eerie in the night time, with only moonlight to guide her way. The woman walked carefully, trying to avoid the stones and roots and holes hidden in shadow waiting to trip her up, but despite her care she stumbled. The baby awoke again with a wail, and the mother hastened to quiet her. Rocking her and making soothing sounds did nothing, so she sat on a fallen tree and began to feed her, hoping the comfort of milk would help her sleep again.

Sitting there, holding her daughter, the woman felt reassured in her decision to escape. Life would be hard from now on, she knew it, just her and her child, but it would be worth it. She did not know when or if she'd see her husband again, or how he would take her abandoning him - but he wouldn't have understood. Even though she had pleaded for him to speak to Kaede, to try to change her mind, he denied her and said he'd be proud to have his daughter be a miko. There would be more children, he tried to assure her, especially boys, boys that he could raise to work beside him. She would still see her daughter, he said, so what was the problem?

Indeed, see her daughter, her firstborn, raised by another woman, leading a life where she would never really know her own mother. She couldn't bear it.

The infant had fallen back asleep. Readjusting the sling and her clothes, she stood again, ready to continue her journey, when the snap of a breaking stick nearby made her freeze with fear. In the darkness she could see nothing. Heart pounding, she tried to quiet her breath and calm herself, praying it was only a small animal, rummaging for food by the moonlight. She walked on quickly and quietly as she dared, hoping to let be and so be left alone.

Alas, her hopes were crushed as she heard a rustle in the bushes nearer her, and heard a woosh of heavy breathing. She hastened her pace, fear growing stronger, but refusing to run. She still hoped that if she simply distanced herself from the creature, whatever it was, it might choose not to follow and go about it's own way. Even that hope was dashed moments later, when the rustling grew louder and closer. Panic took over, and she ran.

She headed towards the edge of the wood, trying to escape the forest. Caring less for being caught trying to escape the village than being killed by the creature pursuing her, she ran towards people, hoping someone could help her.

The creature broke out of the darkness, revealing itself to be a youkai of luminous eyes and a slavering mouth, looking crazed and hungry. The woman screamed, and it raised on it's snake-like body, preparing to strike down at her.

"Power…." it groaned, "I smell great power in what you carry…"

As if on cue, the baby awoke again, screaming at this third interruption of its sleep. The woman could do nothing for the child, but just kept running, holding onto her baby while she ran.

The youkai pursued her. "I must have the child… the child carries something… there is great power…"

Finally breaking free of the woods, the woman screamed again, crying for help this time. She was not near the village, and the youkai was getting closer still. With desperation, she flung herself towards the closest thing resembling shelter - the Bone-Eater's Well.

Scrambling over the edge, she held her child tight in one arm, grabbing the vines that grew on the inside with her other. She lowered herself when the face of the youkai appeared in the mouth of the well.

It struck, catching her arm just as she let go of the vines. Tossing her, it snapped its jaws around her middle, and the woman let go of her child. Screaming again as she watched her child fall, the last thing she saw before the youkai crushed her spine was a flash of blue light.

The youkai shook the limp form of the woman like a rag doll, then tossed her aside. Peering eagerly inside the well, it managed only a thought of confusion before an arrow pierced its neck.

Howling and writhing, blood spurting from its wound, Kaede numbly watched the creature as it floundered in its death throes.

- - -

When she had examined the scene, the woman dead and no sign of the infant, Kaede accepted that the girl child was gone, devoured first by the youkai. She had returned to the village with a heavy heart, buried deep in guilt and grief. She had loved the child, in her way, wanted so desperately to have a companion, to have someone to love and raise as her own, she had ignored that she wasn't the only one who cared about the girl. She had driven the woman to desperation with her own selfish need to take the baby away so soon. She could have waited to train her, could have left the child to be loved and raised by her parents until she was older - perhaps eight or nine - and even then she didn't need to cut the parents so forcefully out of her life. They could have shared the raising of her.

But Kaede had been foolish in her loneliness, and the cost for her selfishness was dear. The girl was dead, and she knew now she could never have an apprentice. She couldn't be trusted with anyone else's child.

The father, sick with grief, had disappeared from the village one night, taking none of his belongings. He was seen heading up a trail to nowhere, a steep drop it's only destination. Kaede never heard of him again, but there was little doubt in her mind he had taken his own life.

No one ever spoke of the lost child again, and Kaede knew she would never know what the girl who was meant to be a miko would have grown up to be like.

- - -

Kaede stirred from her remembrance. She had sat for too long; there was still much to be done. Bringing a poultice she had made from some of the herbs she gathered, she left her home and walked up to a familiar tree.

"Inuyasha, you must come down so I can dress your wounds."

"Keh. I don't need any of that smelly stuff, old lady. I'm fine."

Kaede sighed in exasperation.

"Inuyasha, I know you heal faster than full-blooded humans, but you are still mortal and mustn't be reckless with your health. Come down immediately."

Perhaps it was because there was no one else around, but for once Inuyasha did as she asked. He grumbled and complained the whole way, but he came down and let her apply the poultice and bandages to his seeping stomach wound.

"You really ought to stop letting youkai stick their fists through your belly, Inuyasha," she said as she tied off the bandage. Inuyasha just "keh"ed and looked away, looking the tiniest bit embarrassed.

Kaede smiled, amazed at her own fondness for the boy. It wasn't too long ago that she had hated this young man more than any creature on earth - wasn't long ago that she believed him responsible for the death of that which was most dear to her.

It was funny what time could do, though. It could bring things to light that had been obscured for years, it could change minds and soften hearts, it could even, she thought, as she saw Inuyasha's ears perk up at a girlish voice coming from the direction of the well, bring alive the things that you once thought dead.

She watched Kagome crawl over the edge of the well, dropping her backpack and dusting her hands off, dressed in the outfit of her strange new world.

Time was funny indeed, Kaede mused.

The end.

- - -

A/N:

I discovered a translated manga of short stories Rumiko Takahashi wrote, and among them was a story I think helped inspire Inuyasha. It was about a school girl who was suddenly transported through time to the feudal age, and met a boy there. By the end of the story, though, the girl discovered that she was originally from the feudal age, and had actually been transported as a child to the future.

This made me wonder, what if Rumiko Takahashi had stuck with that version of events? What if Kagome turned out to really be from Inuyasha's time? This story is the product of that wondering.

Elusion


End file.
